We often think trauma is the event itself.
The abuse. The neglect. The abandonment. The accident. The loss.
But trauma isn’t always about what happened.
The real trauma — the one that stays lodged in the body, in the heart, in the nervous system — is often what was missing around what happened.
It’s the absence of something essential.
The absence of emotional support.
That’s what creates the deepest wounds in a child.
Not the event, but the lack of presence around it.
The lack of holding.
The lack of someone saying:
“I see you.”
“I’m here with you.”
“Tell me how you feel. You are safe.”
A Child’s Only Wish
Every child has one core longing:
To feel safe.
To feel seen.
To feel loved — especially by their parents.
When this doesn’t happen — even in small, subtle ways —
the child begins to believe something is wrong with them.
They carry that unmet need into adulthood.
It shows up as anxiety, depression, overgiving, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, chronic fatigue… or a constant sense of “not being enough.”
This is not because they’re broken.
It’s because there was no one there to help them hold the weight of their pain.
Vulnerability Is Not a Disease
We often label someone as “vulnerable” like it’s a flaw.
But what if being vulnerable just means they feel?
Feeling is not weakness.
It’s humanity.
And when a child is hurting — when they’ve lost trust in the world around them — it’s because no one has yet taught them how to feel safe in their own body.
In my work with others — especially with young people — I see how the lack of emotional attunement leaves them floating in self-judgment, self-harm, and shame. And healing begins not with correction… but with compassion.
I Say This With Love, Not Judgment
I’m not saying this to blame.
I’m not saying this to point fingers.
I’m saying this because it’s the truth — and truth is the beginning of healing.
In my own journey, I’ve come to understand that even those who cause pain are in pain themselves.
Even the abuser, the one who couldn’t show up, is carrying their own wounded inner child.
So I speak these words with love — not judgment — and with the hope that they land in the hearts that are ready to hear them.
My Story: Silence Was the Real Trauma
When I was nine years old, I lost my mother in a car accident.
The most important person in my life — gone.
But that’s not what traumatized me the most.
What hurt me deeply was the silence that followed.
My mum became a taboo, a ghost, an invisible presence.
No one spoke of her.
No one asked how I was.
No one sat next to me and said,
“Cry, my love. You’ve lost your mummy. I’m here.”
That’s what I needed.
Not fixing.
Not distraction.
Not silence.
Just someone who could hold me in love, listening and compassion.
A safe place where my grief could be honoured and expressed.
I was just a child.
And I had all the right in the world to cry for her.
This Is What Healing Truly Means
Healing isn’t about “getting over it.”
It’s about creating the emotional safety we never had.
It’s about offering ourselves today what we didn’t receive back then:
✨ Presence
✨ Kindness
✨ Deep listening
✨ Emotional attunement
✨ Compassion for our most vulnerable parts
This is why I do the work I do.
To help others feel what I didn’t get to feel.
To support the younger parts inside all of us — the ones who are still waiting for someone to say:
“I see you. I believe you. You matter.”
If this resonates with you, I invite you to take a deep breath.
Place your hand on your heart.
And whisper inwardly:
“I’m here with you. I’m listening now.”
You are not alone anymore.
Luce & amore,
Cinzia 🦋